Journal Entry 15 12.2.15

Well it's official, the baby is spoiled even before she arrives. My SL sister spent over $100 on stuff for the baby in RL, even though she knows she didn't have to get anything for the baby, So I guess there are good people out there who care and want to help out people who are struggling, especially when it comes to them having a baby. I am truly honored and blessed to have such a wonderful sister in my life. I have the best people in my life. I have a wonderful Master who I love more then anything and good family and friends who want to help out without being asked. It actually brings me to tears just thinking about the blessings I have in my life. I was always raised to never ask for anything and to put others needs before my own. I guess when people say what goes around comes around is true.

Journal Entry 14 11.24.15

So my Master was upset with me Sunday because I haven't been able to keep up with my journal. When he finally did contact me I was in tears because I felt like I was a failure, and I still feel that way. I really don't want to disappoint him, but I guess I'm just one big disappointment. I haven't been able to sleep really good any more partly because of the baby and partly because of this. I guess I am just not use to having someone in my life that actually wants to be my Master and teach me. Today though is probably going to be one of the hardest days of my life. It is my ex's birthday and he is no longer with us on this earth to celebrate it. I thought I was ok and strong enough to where it wasn't gonna bother me, but I find myself in tears cause of it.

Journal Entry 13 11.19.15

What can I say about today. It was amazing getting to spend the whole day with my Master. He hasn't been feeling that well though and it has me worried that he doesn't take it easy. However, next year we both agreed we would quit smoking together so that we will both be healthier for the little family we are starting. So with any luck that will help my Master feel a lot better and alleviate my worry about him. He is so kind but I vow not to take his kindness for granted like most people would. I am going to keep trying every day to prove to him that I am worthy of his collar. There is just no words for how much I love and care about him, but i intend to prove it to him in every way.

Journal Entry 12 11.17.15

I will not forget to do my journal entry today. So much has happened and its been very upsetting to say the least. I got kicked out of the MC I was in because of my collar so yeah everything I did and put up with was for nothing. I could go against my Masters wishes and remove the collar BUT any MC that will kick someone because they wear a collar doesn't deserve a second thought. I have already been asked to join another MC but I am not sure I really want to do that because I don't wanna put myself in a position where I will get kicked out because of the way I choose to be. I have also been in talks with a good friend of mine who I am not sure is serious or not about wanting to start a MC with me. Honestly I'm at a place where I dunno what I want....on one hand a MC gives me something to do when my Master isn't on, but on the other hand I don't wanna deal with the drama a MC brings either nor the headache. I will figure something out who knows maybe it is for the best, or maybe I should just leave SL for a while till after the baby is born.

Journal Entry 11 11.16.15

So I keep forgetting to get my journals done. 5 1/2 weeks till this baby comes and it has been hell. Between the stomach pains and tiredness it can't be over soon enough. Today I've been so mad and pissed off as my SL sister's husband had her crying like the no good piece of rat shit he is. If I wouldn't have promised her not to get involved I would hunt him down and he wouldn't like me. Not to mention I am pretty sure my Master would be furious if i got involved even though I am sure he knows how protective I am over my family as well as him.

Journal Entry 10 11.09.15

Today I have been doing my best to not hurt the bum that my SL sister is with after finding out a few things he called her. Once I managed to calm down I started bragging a bit about how wonderful my Master is. He still wishes for me and my baby to move up with him and be a family. It's gonna be a bit scary because it's not just me making this adventure but my daughter as well. I just hope my Master will be able to be patient and able to keep me from loosing my temper when I am with him.

Journal Entry 9 11.2.15

Today is one of those days that I am constantly tired and all I wanna do is sleep. I have been feeling extremely sick to my stomach all day so I have been just laying down and resting. I miss my Master and hopefully soon I will be able to get on and spend time with my Master least on SL until we are together in RL. I still haven't figured out how to do the textures I need for the boots but I'll find someone or I'll figure it out myself. The baby has been moving and everything especially when we are in church, so I dunno if she likes it or if she is trying to get out cause she don't like it.