Journal Entry 15 12.2.15

Well it's official, the baby is spoiled even before she arrives. My SL sister spent over $100 on stuff for the baby in RL, even though she knows she didn't have to get anything for the baby, So I guess there are good people out there who care and want to help out people who are struggling, especially when it comes to them having a baby. I am truly honored and blessed to have such a wonderful sister in my life. I have the best people in my life. I have a wonderful Master who I love more then anything and good family and friends who want to help out without being asked. It actually brings me to tears just thinking about the blessings I have in my life. I was always raised to never ask for anything and to put others needs before my own. I guess when people say what goes around comes around is true.

Journal Entry 14 11.24.15

So my Master was upset with me Sunday because I haven't been able to keep up with my journal. When he finally did contact me I was in tears because I felt like I was a failure, and I still feel that way. I really don't want to disappoint him, but I guess I'm just one big disappointment. I haven't been able to sleep really good any more partly because of the baby and partly because of this. I guess I am just not use to having someone in my life that actually wants to be my Master and teach me. Today though is probably going to be one of the hardest days of my life. It is my ex's birthday and he is no longer with us on this earth to celebrate it. I thought I was ok and strong enough to where it wasn't gonna bother me, but I find myself in tears cause of it.

Journal Entry 13 11.19.15

What can I say about today. It was amazing getting to spend the whole day with my Master. He hasn't been feeling that well though and it has me worried that he doesn't take it easy. However, next year we both agreed we would quit smoking together so that we will both be healthier for the little family we are starting. So with any luck that will help my Master feel a lot better and alleviate my worry about him. He is so kind but I vow not to take his kindness for granted like most people would. I am going to keep trying every day to prove to him that I am worthy of his collar. There is just no words for how much I love and care about him, but i intend to prove it to him in every way.

Journal Entry 12 11.17.15

I will not forget to do my journal entry today. So much has happened and its been very upsetting to say the least. I got kicked out of the MC I was in because of my collar so yeah everything I did and put up with was for nothing. I could go against my Masters wishes and remove the collar BUT any MC that will kick someone because they wear a collar doesn't deserve a second thought. I have already been asked to join another MC but I am not sure I really want to do that because I don't wanna put myself in a position where I will get kicked out because of the way I choose to be. I have also been in talks with a good friend of mine who I am not sure is serious or not about wanting to start a MC with me. Honestly I'm at a place where I dunno what I want....on one hand a MC gives me something to do when my Master isn't on, but on the other hand I don't wanna deal with the drama a MC brings either nor the headache. I will figure something out who knows maybe it is for the best, or maybe I should just leave SL for a while till after the baby is born.

Journal Entry 11 11.16.15

So I keep forgetting to get my journals done. 5 1/2 weeks till this baby comes and it has been hell. Between the stomach pains and tiredness it can't be over soon enough. Today I've been so mad and pissed off as my SL sister's husband had her crying like the no good piece of rat shit he is. If I wouldn't have promised her not to get involved I would hunt him down and he wouldn't like me. Not to mention I am pretty sure my Master would be furious if i got involved even though I am sure he knows how protective I am over my family as well as him.

Journal Entry 10 11.09.15

Today I have been doing my best to not hurt the bum that my SL sister is with after finding out a few things he called her. Once I managed to calm down I started bragging a bit about how wonderful my Master is. He still wishes for me and my baby to move up with him and be a family. It's gonna be a bit scary because it's not just me making this adventure but my daughter as well. I just hope my Master will be able to be patient and able to keep me from loosing my temper when I am with him.

Journal Entry 9 11.2.15

Today is one of those days that I am constantly tired and all I wanna do is sleep. I have been feeling extremely sick to my stomach all day so I have been just laying down and resting. I miss my Master and hopefully soon I will be able to get on and spend time with my Master least on SL until we are together in RL. I still haven't figured out how to do the textures I need for the boots but I'll find someone or I'll figure it out myself. The baby has been moving and everything especially when we are in church, so I dunno if she likes it or if she is trying to get out cause she don't like it.

Journal Entry 8 10.28.15

Today I'm not in pain BUT my allergies and sinus's are still messing up. I managed to get myself out of bed this morning around 10 am because of how terrible I feel. After the way my RL treated me last night I am more comfortable with the choice I made and being with my Master. I've been doing everything I can to try and get myself better, but what i really need is just to be in my Masters arms. I've been spending most my time on SL at the MCs land practicing my shooting and getting better at riding.

Journal Entry 7 10.27.15

Ok so I've been slacking on my entries and I think its been irritating my Master. I went to the Drs today and the baby is fine and strong, even if she is being a little witch. I have been missing my Master so much but I know he has to work so he can get things ready for me and the baby. I finally got the brand and it looks amazing I just hope that my Master will be pleased. This weather has been messing with my sinus's big time so I'm all stuffy and trying to breathe and get them sorted. This whole pregnancy has been hard on me so far and I hope my Master will agree to let me wait a few years before I even attempt to carry his child.

Journal Entry 6 10.20.15

today has been one of those days where I am constantly tired and wanting to sleep. Mainly because there is a slim possibility that the guy who I thought was the baby's dad might not really be the dad. So it has me worrying myself, not to mention the pain has been so bad that I can't sleep and I hardly want to eat anything. I did however on SL find someone to make the brand and hopefully she will have it done today. I just hope that my Master will be pleased with it as that is the only thing that matters to me. I find myself missing and loving my Master more and more each day even though I have no idea why he wants me. At the club I am to the point I am going to fire everyone because they have not been doing their jobs. So maybe the threat of them being fired will get them to start giving a rats ass because I cant do it all by myself. I am hoping that I will get to spend some time with my Master hopefully soon on SL.

Journal Entry 5 10.16.15

I think my Master is upset with me over the fact I have not been doing my journal entries like he wishes. I am worried that the punishment he gives me will be something that will be terrible, though I trust him and will take the punishment without complaint. I did however on sl go ahead and have papers as well as a slave exam, so hopefully that dedication will soften the blow a bit. I am truly in love with him, that is why I wish to give him my body, mind, and soul, to be completely his. He is kind and caring and I know he only wishes the best for his girl and her unborn daughter. He is everything and more that I would expect from a Master and a true man. While I want to finish college and get a job as a counselor, I am content with staying at home and taking care of the babies and our home. Though perhaps my Master will let me work as a counselor part time, considering college I will be doing online. But I will see what happens, even if he allows me to finish college and not have a job, it would be something I could fall back onto if times got hard for us.

Journal Entry 4 10.09.15

Tuesday and Wednesday was the hardest two days of my life. I couldn't even look at my best friend laying there cold and gone. To top it all off because of the upset and stress my feet and ankles look like balloons and I have been getting daily migraines. My Master had been so supportive of me and even though I am fine, he still worries about me and the baby. I know now that the funeral is over and my friend is in the ground, that I will be able to move on and try to function as a normal person. The pain is still there, but I have been able to control it better, mostly by not thinking about it. Am I a bad person for missing my friend but trying to push his memory to the back of my mind so that I can have some sort of a normal life again? This evening I will be taking a beer up to the cemetery and pouring it over his grave so that he can have one last beer. Then maybe that will suffice as the goodbye I couldn't say at the funeral. On the plus side my Master is allowing me to recolor my hair, get a pedicure, and I'm pretty sure he will be ok with me getting the dead ends cut off my hair as long as it doesn't get cut to short.

Journal Entry 3 10.05.15

Just when things were starting to seem good I get the call no one wants to get. My ex boyfriend/brother passed away Friday night. ever since then it's been like I've been on autopilot. My Master has been doing the best he can to try and keep me from breaking down completely, but even now I'm in tears trying to do this journal entry. Its been one thing after another and tomorrow is the viewing with the funeral following Wednesday. I'm not sure how I will bear it seeing some one I care about laying still when I know that is not the person he is. I had talked to my SL sister about it and she has been trying to keep me calm and trying to remind me I need to not be stressing due to some possible complications with my pregnancy. Maybe once this is all over I will be able to function like a normal person again. I've maybe had only 3 hours of sleep since Friday night, so i know eventually my body will give up and I'll pass out asleep.

Journal Entry 2 10.02.15

I think I deeply touched my Master last night right down to his core. I submitted to him fully in Gor. I also told him I planned on getting him a custom brand and collar made just for him. I realized last night just how much I truly love him in both SL and RL. He has touched me in more ways then anyone ever has. I feel like I can tell him every thing, though I'm always afraid that I will do or say something that will make him mad or angry. That is the last thing I ever want to do. He did tell me that I needed to put more emotion and feelings into my emotes when serving him, though I honestly do not fully understand, but I will do my best for him.
Every time that I don't get to talk to him or spend time with him I feel lost and sad. He has brought me a lot of happiness, so not talking to him at least takes that happy feeling away, even though I am sure that he is always thinking of me as I am of him, Last night I was in tears because of how happy he has made me, he even said he would love and care for my baby as if it was his own child, even though it's not. He is the best thing next to my daughter in my life.

Journal Entry 1 10.01.15

OK so my Master has decided that he wishes for his girl to write a journal. Not to excited about it but I know it will please my Master so here it goes. Yesterday was the first day that my phone was turned off so i had no way other then SL to contact my Master. This made me feel deeply sad and miss him more and more the longer I go without speaking to him. Thankfully my SL sister Flower has been there and talking with me about everything, trying to keep me sane. She has actually told me that like herself I seem to be a natural SUB in all sense of the words. She actually posted the following to me:

To love a Submissive is to:
             
               FEAST upon her Strength
               CHERISH her Mind
               RECOGNIZE her Pain
               UNDERSTAND her Fears
               ADMIRE her Will
               TREASURE her Submission
             
If you allow her to not FEEL any of these things YOU will be of no use to her.....and will have given up one of the greatest kind of woman.

I was asked once if I felt I was "Worthy"...       
Question is ARE YOU worth of my gift?
       
           A TRUE SUBMISSIVE                  
 ❀ Speaks to his Spirit not his Lusts
 ❀ Quiets her Flesh
 ❀ Knows his Value of Hard Work
 ❀ Can carry the Load for both without him
     knowing
 ❀ Pushes his Dreams ,Not Pull him to Destruction
 ❀ Is a Lifetime, not a Good Time                  
 ❀ RARE

 Her submission is a rare gift that shows her strength, her Self-Worth...You will lift her up so that she glows at her core...Willing she will kneel before her Protector...You will treasure her submission knowing she Belongs to Only you..She will appreciate your warm breath and Strong hand upon her flesh...Her silence will be your stern commanding voice that gives her power.

Flower calls Subs like us Warrior Princess Subs. She explained that we are the perfect woman as well as a rare breed because we submit to only one person, there is no Master/slave situation. We protect and will fight to the death for our Master, but still have a voice in any matters. We tend to be leaders, however we are seen as dominate, even though there is no trace of dominance in our beings. We could not even dream of taking on a dominate role, it is just not in us. We are very smart and always observing things while being sly with our thoughts.

Talking with her I honestly feel better and not so much alone as there is another person out there who is like me, though not as lucky as I to have found my Master. I know that sometimes its hard for me to find the words to describe how I truly feel about things, but that is something I am hoping my Master will be patient with me on. I have yet to know what my Master looks like in RL though he has seen what I look like and, for some reason unknown to me, likes how I look.